Too many girls are familiar with that human love. The kind found in the sappy love song, awful poetic lines in a shimmery card, or soft, warm fuzzie wuzzies of a stuffed bear. That kind of love is the one that too often lets us down. Countless Christian dating books have been written on this kind of love warning girls to save their hearts for the man that God has in store for them and not wasting their time on boys who will only toy around with their emotions. The books give sound advice and wisdom to girls who need that guidance to pursue a Godly man who is more focused on what God has for him than what a girl can offer. Especially in today's culture, there are girls who are willing to give their time and emotions to the first guy that comes along and pays them any attention. For those girls, reading the Christian dating books can completely change their perspective and help them stay away from situations that are less than the best God has for them.
I believe, though, that there is a whole other group of girls that are not addressed in said dating books who are all too often overlooked, yet they find themselves in equally hard situations. These girls are the ones who, knowing all the advice given to a Christian girl, truly strive after the best that God has for them. These girls have read all of the dating books, know all the Christian things to do, in fact, and like a friend and I agreed upon the other day, often feel like they could teach the dating seminars because they know everything that will be said. Yet, none of these talks address how they feel. These girls have placed their heart in God's hands trusting that in the right time, He will bring everything about perfectly. However, in that waiting time, there is always room for doubt to creep in. And impatience. And feelings of lonliness. Even in this group of girls there is hurt and pain similar to the hurt and pain of a more superficial love.
As hard as I find it to admit, I relate to the latter group. I know God has my love story perfectly planned out, and I trust Him with that. That doesn't mean that I don't experience pain along the way. I've had my share of pain. I never understood, though, why I was going through pain even when I made a conscious effort to put God first in my life and relationships. In a way, I had my own picture of how things would look. Since I was putting my trust in God, He would take me through life happy and blissful until the time that He led me to my husband, and then we would fall in love and be perfectly happy and live happily ever after. My perfect fairytale life would come to pass just by giving God my heart and trusting Him to work it out instead of me doing my own thing. Now don't think I am disputing that fact that God will show me the right person, and by following Him I will have a happy marriage. I'm not debating that. What I am saying is that contrary to my glorified picture of a cotton candy, marshmallow life, no matter what I do I am still going to face trials and hard times. Not everything is going to go like I plan it or want it to go or is easiest to deal with. There are hard times and struggles. That is the nature of human life. We live in an imperfect world, and we are going to have to deal with struggles. Even when you do everything right. Even I, a Christian girl trying to do it God's way, struggle with having feelings for someone who will never reciprocate my love. Even I feel that lonliness that seems to wash over me at the hardest times. Even I have those difficul days when, even after I have taken my heart to God yet again and placed it in His hands, I hurt deep down and cannot seem to shake it.
I used to think that by having those feelings bottled up inside of me and not being able to shake them I was somehow not fulfilling what God wanted me to do with my singleness. I guess I had this vision that if I was truly happy being single that hard times would not come, and I would be able to live perfectly happy until God brought me my future husband. So, since I did have those unhappy times, I was failing God. I had this an idea that the first man I fell in love with would be the man, and I would never have to deal with the heartbreak and rollercoaster of relationship after relationship. I watched this video and immediately started to disagree with it on the premise that I could only have one relationship with one man ever. Then, slowly, I began to change my mind. I am not necessarily saying that one must have many relationships to get it all right, but even in what seems wrong, God can make it turn out right. Watch it, and then I will explain myself.
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Ffeature%3Dplayer_embedded%26v%3DJvxHPtEsmFc&h=PAQFNIC_9
I was at first opposed to it becuase the guy said that he had been in so many relationships before. I didn't want to think of how many hearbreaks that he had been through and things he had had to deal with because of a "failed" relationship. I certainly knew that I didn't want to go through a string of failed relationships. Yet, I began to look at my own life and see that even in protecting my heart, I had gone through my own share of hurt and pain. I realized that everyone is going to go through her own set of trials. She is going to have to face different things. I saw that it was how one handled that hurt and pain that was the difference. She could see loving someone as a huge mistake and a stupid decision, or she could learn to see it as a growing and developing tool. It was all in her perspective. Mistakes can help us to become better if we let them. Loving a person who did not reciprocate that devotion showed me what I respected and desired in a person. That particular person was not the one that God meant for me to marry, but I now have a clearer picture of who He does have for me.
Girls, don't waste your time on just any guy who pays attention to you. But, when you do go through those times of pain and hurt, remember that each thing we go through is only meant to help us become stronger. God is always there to walk alongside you in your pain (and in your happy times!) to hold your hand and guide you. He will NEVER leave you no matter what it feels like on the outside. And remember, He loves you with the everlasting love that conquers everything. He wants to give you the desires of your heart, and even in this time of growth and molding He will protect your heart as you entrust it to Him.
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